HIKAYAT SI BENGKOK

The ghost inside of me hv creep outside it’s cave once more…. and this time it have found a new way to traumatise me…. HOOEEE HOOEEE HOOOEEEEWWWW. ….. Nope this aint a retell of my encounters with a Jembalang, Pontianak or Jenglot. It something more scarier than that…. It is the thought of WHAT IF….

In life we r granted with choices… and we seem to always argue which one is the best…. or just perhaps maybe the choice we hv made r not so darn awful….maybe the choice itself wont made u think so much but sometimes the consequences of that choice will someway traumatised you. Before this i was traumatised with my choice to send my car for repair in Klang, Selangor that
eventually lead to i fallen into a deep coma for 4 days n become permanently handicapped. And the WHAT IF though keep flocking in my deep mind and shattered heart after that. Thank God i finally able to get over it after 7 months.

Now so suddenly the WHAT IF syndrome reappeared and this time an article about reconstructive surgery triggered the
though flushing back into my mind. It mentioned that a lecture in USM r leading a team of physicians and researchers to a new level of reconstructive surgery here in our homeland. And what made it more appealing is he mentioning about complex hand injury recovery which is the same with my injurie. Before this the orthopaedic who treated me said that my hand will remain handicapped for life and at that moment their’s no such expertise in Malaysia that can help me to recover fully. So i wasnt hoping i can ever recover fully, but now after reading that newspaper article, a new HOPE hv appear.

But hope can be very miss leading if u don’t know how to handle it…. It can motivate u but it also can bring u down when the end result is not like what ur hoping for. For now i can live with the fact that im permanently handicapped….but i cant argue that there always a small part of me that want the full function of my right hand back.  And after 3 years, i can help to think about WHAT IF that can be done (my right hand recovery)…. but at what cost? I hv already put a lot of burden on my parents shoulder when
the accident happened…. thankfully a part of it was settled with my insurance
claim. But now there’s no other way to finance the reconstructive surgery without a bomb on my parents financial budget…. except if i won a lottery or
something like that.

The most reasonable choice now is to put it all aside and complete my master degree 1^st. And if by that time i can save around RM 10 K than there is a
chance i can become NORMAL again before i reach 26. Hmm but then i have to stay unmarried longer though….  life full of choices eh?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 16th, 2008 at 3:43 pm and is filed under Ape dalam pale otak gue. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.